Hi from Skipper Rodders,
I thought today that I might try to re-enact for you a little incident that happened in the night. Shall we call it:
''WHEN THE S**T HITS THE FAN''
Blissfully ignorant, the skipper is soundly tucked up in his aft cot, deep into an erotic dream of silk sheets and crimson lingerie, when a sweet mouse like voice disturbs the dream.
(Why is it you are always woken before the good bit)
''Daddieee?................ Dadieee?''
A moan , a grunt and general snorting from the skipper.
''Yes, sweetheart what is it?''
''I think we might be going a little fast?''
''OK , darling I,ll be up in a moment''
''No.... Dadieee................... I think you should come now!''
There seems to be strange noises emanating from the bowels of Kasuje and I'm clubbed on the head by a flying teapot as I stumble forward and up the companionway.
What confronts me is a seen from the War of the Worlds. (we watched that last night isn't it good?). Every conceivable alarm going off, steam emanating from the wind speed indicator. 14 knots on the log!!! with wind, spray and utter commotion from every quarter!!!
Right (I say to myself.)
Follow the 4 rules
1) Don't panic
2) Assess the situation
3) Think
4) Take action
''Is there anything I can do'' The mouse like voice appeals
I think of ordering a fresh pair of underpants but that might give the game away.
''No princess pass up the cigars and the brandy''
This is all part of the don't panic stage as a quick slug of medicinal 103 calms the nerves!!
Two: Assess the situation.
40 - 45 knots of wind. (S**t)
Boat speed 14 knots. (Double S**t)
Full sailup. (Treble S**t)
Three: Think.
I think I would rather be at home tucked up with my wonderful wife who has got far too much sense than to come sailing and get into these situations.
Four: Take action
''Darling , would you please try and wake Guy.'' ( The chap can sleep through anything)
Now our only course of action is to shorten sail.
Firstly the Genoa , easy, furler works perfectly and we are left with the smallest triangle possible.
Now we need to turn into the wind!!! Which is gusting at 45 knots!!!!
''It might get a little bumpy and noisy for a moment or two sweetheart, so I suggest you put the radio on........''
''OK Daddieeeee''
Now we make the big turn to windward ( Just like in the film Fatal Storm) wind, waves, spray, hitting us from all angles, at least the sea is warm not that grey cold Scottish stuff or that muddy dirty Friesian Island type.
Eventually we make it and lie hove too with enough pressure out of the main sail to reduce it to just a handkerchief.
We bear off and sanity is restored. Phewwwwww.
''I think I,ll go to bed now''
''OK princess''
Guy arrives on deck
''Anything I can do!!''
''Just pass the bl**dy, brandy and cigars!!!''
We are all well
Sail safe.
Love. Skipper Rodders X