20:23.89N 24:57.92W Saturday 30th November
My plums are hard. I think that's good, but I don't want Gary to go near them.
You see, on day one, the Skipper tried to make me Coffee Captain. I told him that his coffee is far superior to anything I could do. So far, my little ruse seems to be working, and he's offering coffees all day long.
Then he made me Captain of Waste Management. But to his annoyance, I actually quite like this role; more on this another time.
Yesterday, I appointed myself as Captain of fresh fruit and vegetables. Sadly, this role will not last long. We already threw carrots over the side because they went mouldy as soon as we left Las Palmas. Today, many black
bananas suffered the same fate. I felt a brief sense of guilt because I had not peeled them before they went over the side of the boat. Then I thought, no. I agree with the skipper, the dolphins are just annoying. I have 100
photographs of a bit of water where a dolphin was jumping majestically until I took the photo, only to realise that she had vanished. Every time. I bet the whales hate those little show off's.
So now we are down to apples, which the skipper has warned me not to touch unless it is to hand one to him. And he refrigerates them. Who does that? We have grapes and plums. And some onions. Not counting the onions that I had to give to the dolphins after the skipper couldn't light the stove.
The grapes were given to us in a bag and somehow the grapes at the bottom had deteriorated. So I went to the foredeck with my little bag of grapes and started filing them by size and condition, throwing the older grapes to the stupid dolphins. The dolphins around here are eating better than we are.
Rumour has it that they were dining on avocado just outside of Las Palmas.
One grape rolled along the deck and I ran after it, almost falling over the side in the process. I remember thinking that there are things worth dying for. Love. Freedom. World peace. Moral integrity. But probably not fruit.
Fortunately I was harnessed to the boat so I did not end up swimming. The skipper is very clear on the use of harnesses. I am also not allowed to pee over the side. But I digress.
I got that grape rolling along the deck because it was a good grape and I don't want to lose any more fresh produce.
This leaves my plums. And they are my plums. And the grapes. Mine.
I lovingly leave them in the sun by day and put them in a swinging basket by night, hoping they will ripen. But I don't really have knowledge about how to ripen plums. I half expect them to go immediately from billiard balls to
jelly.
So, sadly, my role as Captain of fresh fruit and vegetables will be short lived, but will go down as a glorious endeavour.