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Profile - Profile News Bulletin

Today’s breaking headlines:
Profile and her crew continue to destroy/damage key sailing items. Despite their strong progress in the race, the elite skipper, first mate and crew of renowned Profile continue to have their troubles. To add to the two broken preventers, the twice ripped kite, the lost kitchen plug, the light that shorted and set fire in the bathroom, the small fire in the kitchen, the multiple dead/mortally wounded toy soldiers from the battle of the chart table, the primary kitchen cleaning utensil launching itself into the sea, the guy snapping out of the pole, the seaweed around the rudder..... yesterday the flying Dutchman lost a bucket. The yacht’s skipper, Timothy Scarisbrick, has reported a severely damaged soul to further complicate matters.
In other round up stories:
We’re firmly on boil in the bag food
The average number of showers to date is 1.9 per person
Approximately 5 layers of grime and sunscreen exist on each body
The temperature has reached a record 253 deg C (reportedly)
Latest news – we’ve broken the halliard.
Editor’s footnote – Tim’s (the skipper) soul is not broken, but the amount his crew have put him through it should be in pieces.

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