can we help
+44(0)1983 296060
+1 757-788-8872
tell me moreJoin a rally

Menu

Oceano - Log Day 14 - Navigare necesse est





We have this running joke among the crew that our catamaran is a love boat. Remember the cult tv series? The theme song ( the looooooveee boaaaat..) the great cruising ship filled with people and their complicated love lives, dangerous liaisons between passengers and the crew, dramas, comedy, thrills, lots of fashionable clothing, alcohol, very bad seamanship and even worst acting? I used to adore it.

Our vessel is not great in size, but our personalities are larger than life, that is for sure. And we spend our days moving around the deck, the cabins, exchanging glances, remarks, getting sincere, playing dumb, joking, cracking up, singing, crying, suggesting, flirting, behaving like little brats bored to death, we wind each other up, we console, we have therapy sessions and silent treatment, we organize our little traveling theatre hour after hour, getting to know each other better day after day, having our own little dramas, comedies and scenarios realized on board.

It is easy to feel at ease, to be a little less rigid about your behavior when you’re at sea, long away from home, witch bunch of people in equally detached situation. We have no access to social media, no one else to ask for advice, we are our own worst nightmares and the most desirable dreams. This is like being on trip with your mates, when school is off and your parents are not around. We feel that our superego didn’t board with us. We don’t want to display any social personas we wear on land, we just want to play and feel, instead of working and rationalizing, which is what we usually do in our daily lives.

If I were a therapist, I would take all my clients sailing, I would do sessions with the sea view, far away from the distractions, the tools, the helpers and excuses. We are so focused here. We notice every change of the routine, every gesture, every garment change and pose. I like this detachment. No one who never sailed wouldn’t understand. It is different than being together on a trek, different from staying in a cottage with friends during summer months. We are confined to be together, like astronauts on orbit in a space station. The outside seems limitless, the inside seems so restricted. Our emotions are like the sea, our bodies are restless. We can’t go past the deck. We circle. We itch. We feel the feels in a radical way, with our minds cleansed by passing days. The fear. The desire. The boredom. The stress. The sense of belonging. The love.

For me sailing has always been about love. I fell in love my my future husband ( and captain of this boat ) Matt Kubik, partially because his love for sailing and adventure, and freedom. I remember staring at his tattoo in the bar, when we were on our first date. It was the anchor with a motto: navigare necesse est. I have never seen an arm so sexy. The way he was holding his glass made me wonder about what his hands could do. And he had these stories. They were salty and real, but they sounded like myths to me, a city girl, Ph.D-candidate, writing books about traumas and wars. It sounded so sensual and pleasurable, like a new lease of life. And I went for it. Love for Matt, his sex appeal, our infatuation, forever shaped my experience. On the boat I feel sure of myself, I feel capable and beautiful and I never see my husband in more flattering lights the the ones of the sun setting into the sea or rising from it or in dim lights of the plotter during the night watch.

And it does translate to other people. Sailing crowd seems sexy, wise and adventurous to me. These are people who dare not only to go outside their daily lives, sometimes even far away from home, but also dare to travel on the uncharted waters of their secret, inside lives too. Sailing is both a deeply external and internal experience. You are in nature and in touch with your nature. You just can’t avoid facing yourself on the water. Your desires and fears. Your emotions towards the others, your memories and hopes. The water does it to you. I feel special attachment to everyone I have sailed with. I feel a certain bond, a certain kind of love, appreciation and closeness. I have seen glimpses of them they usually do not show in their lives. They have seen similar glimpses of me. I notice how they open up. I can see their struggle, their healing, I can see they feel sexy, free, more open. Like we’re this sailing commune, for a certain period of time built around the experience of the ocean, like a little island on the move, as a traveling little social laboratory, a sideshow, a church, a restaurant. Our „Love Boat” series, day after day.

We’ve been now almost ten years with Matt Kubik and we’ve been together on many boats, with many crews. Now his hands have many more tattoos, and mine do too. We are older, but our love and our love for sailing is deepening year after year. It is not the same as in the beginning when every object, every moment was equally titilating for me. But now we find pleasure in being less exited but more trusting. Slower, closer, truly together, giving each other space. Not jealous of the boat, of the other crew members, respecting our independence and knowing our thoughts after just a glance, like you know the weather with the right experience on sea.

We sail with each other we love. We love every boat we’re on. I love the sea because I can’t imagine something so beautiful is not made out of love, because of it and for it. As I swam around the boat in the morning, smiling at my husband waiting for me on deck I felt we’ve crossed the line between realms. We are the part of the sea, we are the part of each other. It will be alright. Navigare necesse est.

Karolina

Previous | Next