Bardeau - The Book

Oh woe....oh woe Mr and Mrs Nash. You know not what you did. Yesterday was
jelly babies. Today has been horrible. We call it the Book of Chairman C.
It is a small Mao Tse Tung type red book of sailing...but it's blue. It's
full of sailing wisdom. Sailing useless wisdom and anecdotes. From lunchtime
until tonight we have been fed useless info instead of jelly babies. Where
is the Cadbury's? Where are the Mars? A little blue book????? Did I really
upset you that much?
Anyway today has been like yesterday, which was like the day before...which
in itself bore similarity to the day before. In fact so boring is it that we
all sit in the cockpit discussing with excitement our sleep patterns,
hygeine regimes, and the present chafing situation. Gerry the Rigger told us
all to check for chafing for three minutes every day. I always do it before
I get out of bed, but was shocked to learn today that C.Dundee actually
went went forward of the mast this morning and was seen rubbing his hands up
and down a rigging rod with a dreamy smile on his face, next to the outer
stays. It seems he had thrown an empty tin of tomato soup out of the wrong
recycling hatch and had to go forward to retrieve it, before ejecting it out
of the correct hatch. Our weather guru woman Simone of Hamble (Hedge End
really but Hamble is posher) tells us that we seem to be going in the right
direction. In fact she's totally gob smacked that this is the case. Have
sailed with the illustrious skipper for many years, she had been weather in
the Azores, not St Lucia....Mr Walker has done a weight and balance check
and decided that we are overloaded with hot dogs and beer. Because it hasnt
been as hot as it should have been consumption has slowed, thus slowing us.
Mr Kennedy stepped in and has been downing Don Simon 1 Euro Cartons of red
wine like substance all day in order to keep the boat stable. Mr K says it
has been a dark and stormy afternoon but I put this down to an impending
hangover

El Illustrious Skipper